Feeling Unexpectedly Complacent

Last night, my ex and I got into a big fight. I regret I was too craven to re-commit, too attached to fully renounce her. It was a mental stalemate. In the end, the craven part of me gave in and I went back with her to her house to sleep. Though I would have much preferred to sleep alone, a gesture of the type was needed to show good will, though completely glib. She was still angry when we got there and we inevitably got into a fight. By the time it was over, she was still seething and told me how she wanted to hurt me - how she wanted to kill me. As I laid my head upon the pillow, she told me she should strangle me in my sleep. At first this alarmed me, for I had never considered going out this way. My second thought was complacent and indifferent. Sleep was a more important priority than worrying about if I would last through the night. In the end, with the thought of suffocating on my mind, I calmly fell into a deep sleep. I guess part of me was suffocated that night - the part of me that died was the part that was clinging to the assets she provided me. I was reborn resentful as a zygote, which throughout the day has taken the fetal form of conviction to end the relationship for good. Because really, it would be for good and not for bad. She is too much of a burden - too much of an expendable extra-curricular activity that I never even wanted but was coerced upon me. Maybe in another life, maybe in a few years I would appreciate what she gives me, but not now. Now is the time for me to grow and learn and follow my passion. I cannot be deterred by the insecure needs of some prissy girl with shallow ambitions. Though I am cold and ruthless about it, it is the only way for me to open the door to greater compassion ergo wisdom. Sometimes, myriads of people must die, the whole world must end, just so one man can learn the truth. Though I must destroy her world and make her emotions a casualty of my pursuit of knowledge, it is a price I pay both gladly and reluctantly, though arguably I don't have the right to ante it. Maybe I would consider it more if I cared at all about her, but, unfortunately for her, she has never been more than an object to me. There never was much investment on my behalf, so it is of trifling value that I part with her. Not everyone can be spared. The opportunity cost of maintaining her is too high, so she will be sacrificed for what I deem to be my greater good. Live and let die.